Finding My Own Artsy Paintings

Finding My Own Artsy

I hope you don’t mind if I get personal. Something has been missing from my life. I was seeing it every day from all points, sharing with you when I found it elsewhere, yet finding it lacking for myself. I’m talkin’ about the ARTSY. You see, once upon a time, I could paint. I could draw. And I loved it. But post-college, life happened, I got a string of “real jobs” ( art related, fortunately ) and in general, the busyness of life took over. Occasionally I would dust off my paints and brushes, but those creative rendezvous where growing fewer and farther in between.

You might think that the perfect opportunity to get back into it came when Mr. Forager & I began traveling. No longer would I have the constraints of working a 40+ hour work week, no longer would I be maintaining and upkeeping a house, we’d be far from family, so no excuse of making time for everyone but me. And I did think about it. But it scared the daylights out of me. That little voice inside ( you know, the nasty, mean one ) told me I’d waited too long. Any skill I’d cultivated and talent I’d had was gone. Who was I to try to be an artist? I worked with and personally knew so many phenomenally talented artists. I didn’t feel worthy of even trying to join their ranks. So I choose to stretch my creative muscles in a different direction– I wrote about those phenomenal talents here on the blog. All the while knowing something was missing.

Instead of cultivating my own creative spirit, I’d thrown all my energy into celebrating the creativity of others.  Please don’t get me wrong, I adore creating, writing, and developing Artsy Forager!  Yet I find myself feeling envious of all the artists I was discovering.  HE has such a way with paint, SHE can draw like nobody’s business.  I wanted to get back the artistic mojo I’d been missing.  For Christmas 2011, Mr. Forager gave me a new set of acrylics and a full-size foldable easel.  I’m ashamed to say I can count on two fingers the times I’ve used them.  There always seemed to be a reason not to.  But now we’ve been here in Joshua Tree for 4 months with 2 1/2 more to go.  We’re in a house big enough for me to have room to paint.  No more excuses.

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So Sunday, while Mr. Forager was brewing beer, I got out my paints and brushes and set up my easel.  Underpainting, done.  Easy enough, just a wash of phthalo blue.  There was a photograph I’d taken of rocks in water that I decided to use as my jumping off point.  I sketched in the shadows and forms and started pushing in color and highlights.  But it wasn’t working.  At times it looked OK, I started to remember what I loved about the process, but then it all seemed to fall apart.  I hated what I was doing.  I didn’t find it at all creative or inspiring.  Mr. F could tell it wasn’t going well.  He lovingly reminded me that this was supposed to be fun.  And correctly pointed out that maybe I was just trying too hard.  I continued to stew and then just got mad.  At myself.  And with that, I did what most angry artists would do– I destroyed what I’d done with more paint.  I slashed cadmium yellow and alizarin crimson all over the tight, controlled mess I’d already concocted.  And I immediately felt better.  And inspired.

I continued just freely pushing paint, slashing, spraying, muddying, wiping, taking a break and then doing it all again.  Mr. F brought me a glass of Kona Koko Brown, one of the few beers I love, and I continued to play.  I forgot that I was trying to make “art” and just enjoyed how the colors were working and what the paint was doing.  I could see something emerging that made me happy.  I was loving the way the colors were mixing, the way light was coming through.  I had a breakthrough.  You can see the results of my day below.

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Kintla Lake ( detail ), acrylic on board, 12×16

Do I think this is the most fabulous inspiring painting I’ve ever seen?  Not even close.  But compared to where I began that day, I’m pretty happy.  It feels good to have a visceral connection to paint again.  I have a long way to go.  But I’ve vowed to try to create something every day, whether it be just a sketch or a quick study in paint on paper.  I’m even inspired to begin a series ( more on that later ). My creative muscles need exercise.  I’m sharing this with you because I’m sure you’ve experienced something similar.  And because I needed to tell someone.  And I need accountability.  So if you don’t mind, I’ll occasionally share a little of my own artistic journey.  It will be nice to have some company.

All images by Artsy Forager.

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  • bonnie
    February 13, 2013 at 1:14 PM

    exciting. thanks for sharing and I can’t wait to see more of your art. 🙂

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 1:47 PM

      Thanks, Bonnie! Hoping this will get me out from behind the computer screen a little more often. 😉

  • Heather McCaw Kerley
    February 13, 2013 at 1:23 PM

    Wow, this rings so true! It took me a long time to get back to making art after I left art school so many years ago. Your first forays can be absolutely maddening, but don’t give up. I’m looking forward to seeing more!

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 1:47 PM

      Thank you for the kind words and encouragement, Heather!

  • Adrienne J
    February 13, 2013 at 1:24 PM

    I love it! Doesn’t it feel amazing to just get started? I had the same fears too.

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 1:48 PM

      It does! I feel more inspired than I have in a long time. I saw that you’re dipping your toes in, too!

  • Christina Baker
    February 13, 2013 at 1:32 PM

    I am so so proud of you Lesley! I just love your painting! The mood, the texture the light that shines through. It is so soothing yet so full of energy. I also really liked how you teased us with your experience and shared your work at the very end. Just wonderful for you and hope this means much more to come!

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 1:49 PM

      Thank you so much, my friend! Your encouragement and support means more than you know.

  • Rosalind
    February 13, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    Good for you….I have had many of your feelings in relation to my own art. I went to art school, worked in art business’ and then stopped painting for about 10+ years!

    I have a whole new love for my art and art itself…it is just something that I have to do!
    I really enjoy your posts…keep them coming and keep painting, it only gets better…

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 1:50 PM

      Thanks so much, Rosalind! I’m sure it will continue to be scary to share my progress but I’m so happy to have such a wonderful group of encouragers. 🙂

  • Rene
    February 13, 2013 at 2:48 PM

    Go, Artsy, go!

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 2:59 PM

      Thanks, Rene!

  • Alexandra Suarez
    February 13, 2013 at 2:49 PM

    You have a very good eye and I can predict that we’re going to see some amazing work coming from your camp:)

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 2:59 PM

      I do hope so, Alexandra!

  • Liz Ruest
    February 13, 2013 at 4:30 PM

    Yes! Your brain needs this. Well done, and looking forward to hearing anything else you have to say about your own journey. You’ve done so much for others; I’m so glad you found a way to feel the creative juice again.

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 6:27 PM

      Thanks so muc, Liz!

  • richard p hughes
    February 13, 2013 at 4:39 PM

    I’m impressed. Glad you’re working those muscles again.

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 6:27 PM

      Thank you, Richard!

  • Karen
    February 13, 2013 at 4:40 PM

    I can totally relate to your post. Even though I paint almost every day in my studio, sometimes things just do not go well!
    But I have realized 2 things.
    1. Things work out better when I make a conscious decision to HAVE FUN.
    2. When I am just so frustrated that ANYTHING has to be better than how it is currently, I tend to do something very bold….and that ‘something’ is usually exactly what it needed.

    Love your blog and your painting. Looking forward to seeing
    more!

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 6:31 PM

      Thanks, Karen! I knew many of the artists who read Artsy Forager would be able to relate to my struggle.
      ;-). I try my best to always keep it fun.. Perhaps a little cocktail per painting session would help.. Haha

  • Liz
    February 13, 2013 at 5:23 PM

    Good for you! Sometimes our need to make something goes into hibernation…but there is no expiration date on making art! plenty of time in your life to do it when it feels right! And speaking as a mother and cheerleader for other artists – i get it. I get that need to put into yourself even just a smidge of what you put into others.
    Good for you.
    Grab those brushes sister and get to work!
    xo

    • Lesley
      February 13, 2013 at 6:29 PM

      Thanks so much for the encouragement, Liz! Yep, I’m waking up after what seems like a very long sleep!

  • Karen
    February 13, 2013 at 7:36 PM

    Oh man, I have been there and been there many times. I love that you shared your frustrations and failures working on this piece. Isn’t it glorious that your piece is such a success at the end. It is really a high, isn’t it? The colors are divine-congratulations on a stunning piece.

    • Lesley
      February 14, 2013 at 7:49 AM

      Thank you, Karen! My goal as I work through and getting back into the swing is to really explore colors and the way they work together. My painting professor in college always said I was a colorist, I think he might have been right! Thank you for the compliment. Coming from such a talented artist, it means so much!

  • Esther O
    February 13, 2013 at 10:50 PM

    I love this post! I love that you shared your struggles and truth because of course so many of us can relate! Many years ago I was working a lot with an interior designer (I painted faux finishes and was marbling something at the time) I was stuck and things weren’t turning out so I finally got pissed and started to throw the paint around and not care and it turned out gorgeous… so whenever I was working with her and things weren’t turning out she would remind me “Get mad at it Esther!!” haha! It worked more often then not! I love the art piece you created, it’s beautiful! Yay!

    • Lesley
      February 14, 2013 at 7:50 AM

      I love that story, Esther! Years ago I think I might have just stopped at the point when it wasn’t working, so glad I got mad and pushed through! Oh the lessons we learn with age. 😉

  • Simon lilly
    February 14, 2013 at 2:58 AM

    Its the physicality of making things that is so important.This can get lost in the desire for a beautiful creation or the creation of an inner idea. But whatever the outcome might be, the process of focus and coordination of hand and eye is of huge benefit by itself, I reckon.

    • Lesley
      February 14, 2013 at 7:26 AM

      Simon, what you described as getting “lost in the desire for a beautiful creation or the creation of an inner idea” was/is exactly my stumbling block. It was only when I let go and just enjoyed the process that I actually did end up with something beautiful. We’ll see if I can conquer that the next time! 😉

  • Simon lilly
    February 14, 2013 at 8:20 AM

    It s a tricky balancing between what we would like to make – following the map directions, and what actually is turning out in front of us, the experience of the road. There are always problems with satnav if followed too slavishly! maybe one of the most important training in an artist is to learn when to follow an interesting side road and when to ignore it any carry on.

    • Lesley
      February 14, 2013 at 4:15 PM

      Beautifully written.

  • Jody Lonergan
    February 15, 2013 at 4:39 AM

    I love this post, I can totally relate, its so funny as I just started back doing my own art this week too! I think this is going to be a great creative year for a lot of people, keep it up, your painting was beautiful

    • Lesley
      February 15, 2013 at 7:23 AM

      Thanks so much, Jody and good luck with your own work! 2013 will be the year of creativity!

  • Kim
    February 25, 2013 at 7:02 PM

    The color you choose is wonderful and the piece is very relaxing. Keep going …allow yourself time to escape and catch the flow ………you have a wonderful start!!

    • Lesley
      February 26, 2013 at 7:56 AM

      Thank you for the encouraging words, Kim!

  • m.a.tateishi
    March 2, 2013 at 7:20 AM

    How did I miss this beautiful post when it first came out?
    I’ve always said that art is like any sport or exercise, you have to keep doing it to get better. And exactly as you realized, you have to get into the process and not worry about the result. Good luck, Lesley and enjoy yourself. Making art is its own satisfaction.

    • Lesley
      March 2, 2013 at 2:52 PM

      Thanks so much, M.A.! Hoping to practice a little more this weekend! 😉

  • Melissa Mathis
    March 12, 2013 at 7:43 PM

    Love Love Love this!!! The painting – the whole blog – all of it!! And good for you! I can soooo relate to how you feel as I have been going down the same road – VERY supportive husband that graced me with arty gifts for Christmas (canvas, paints, etc) and I’ve been slowly but surely creating (amidst much frustration). Have you read “The Artist’s Way”?? Very good book about getting in touch with your inner artist – might be helpful for you – it’s been great for me!!

    • Lesley
      March 13, 2013 at 8:22 AM

      Hi Melissa and welcome! It really is a slow and difficult process, but it’s those little moments of success that keep us going back to it, isn’t it? I have read The Artist’s Way, although it’s been a long time. Perhaps I need to go back to it. 😉

  • Shannon
    April 10, 2013 at 10:09 PM

    This is so inspiring! I just found your blog via the Jealous Curator and this totally resonated with me. I wrote about something similar on my blog just last week, about the importance of just working with your hands even if you don’t know where it will lead. Your painting turned out beautifully! And the personal benefits of staying true to your own creativity (mental/emotional health being one of them, for me!) are huge.

    • Lesley
      April 11, 2013 at 9:36 AM

      Hi Shannon! Thanks so much for coming over from The Jealous Curator! I love Danielle’s blog and get so much inspiration from her. I definitely agree, there are so many benefits to regular creative making, even if it’s cooking or sewing or some other form of hands on creativity. I read an article recently regarding the benefits of creative activity on our minds as we age, as a prevention/treatment for dementia. Very interesting! I’ve put my paints away in anticipation of our moving soon, but am looking forward to getting them out again!